Saturday, March 3, 2007

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

I decided to watch Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, and it certainly wasn't the greatest idea I've ever had. Know this: I'm definitely a Stallone fan. Tango & Cash, Over the Top, Rockys, Rambos, and Spy Kids 3D's alike all did it for me. This film was awful.

Roger Spottiswoode (no, I'm not making that name up) directed this 1992 box office bomb, and it's considered by some to be the worst film ever made. I've DEFINITELY seen worse - Octopus 2, I'm talking to you - but I can see where people are coming from who make this assertion. There were plot holes bigger than Julia Roberts' lips at every corner. Why did it take the bad guys nearly two weeks to transfer illegal weapons from a burned-out warehouse to an airfield that is RIGHT NEXT to the warehouse? Why is Stallone's mom (played by Estelle Getty of "Golden Girls" fame) allowed to brandish weapons? Why did the main bad guy suddenly kill off one of his own henchmen? Why can Stallone ram the side of a moving airplane with an 18 wheeler and blow out the tire on the plane, but keep his own tire intact? How can the aforementioned 18 wheeler not explode and kill everyone within a 100 foot radius when the propeller of the plane actually starts ripping apart the hood of the car and churning into the engine block? All these and many more questions arose while watching this film, and the viewer is left with nothing to do but see if they can make it all the way through without turning it off (or, in Joe's case, falling asleep).

Look at that. Raise your eyes once again and look at that poster. How can someone approve this? I have no idea. If you guys don't know what the Razzie Awards are, allow me to enlighten you. The Oscars are obviously for what the Academy thinks are the "best" film and performances from the previous year, and the Razzies, judged by a different panel, are awarded to the worst. Stallone won "Worst Actor" for his performance in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Interesting side note: Stallone is the most "Razzed" individual in the history of the awards, garnering a mind-boggling thirty nominations and pulling down ten wins. The man's films have grossed over $3.5 billion worldwide, but he makes some pretty horrendous decisions sometimes.

I really can't write much more about this film without getting a headache. It was good for a couple of laughs, but there were so many atrocious one-liners that it was painful to watch. I was hoping it would be one of those "So bad, it's good" movies, but I was let down. I can't even give a legitimate plot summary because only about 15% of the film makes any logical sense. So I will leave you with this section, borrowed from the vast archives of Wikipedia:

"On Fox Sports' 'The Best Damn Sports Show Period', Stallone was a guest when another guest, Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive tackle Booker [sic] MacFarland told Stallone that he saw this film in the theater and that Stallone owed him $20. Stallone paid up."

I think the only redeeming factor in this movie was that it was only an hour and a half long. At least the filmmakers had the decency not to keep us involved in this train wreck for any longer than necessary. I think Joe summed it up pretty well when he said something to the effect of "This movie wouldn't be so bad if it just had a different plot." Well said, sir. Well said. Until next time...

1 comment:

Joey Joe said...

Wikipedia did you wrong, sir.

Anthony "Booger" MacFarland, of Bucs fame but now winning championships in Indy, is one of the more notable defensive lineman in the league, perhaps just because his name is Booger.

All the same, that's a really awesome story if it's true.