Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Assault Girls (2009)

By Alan Trehern

If you've ever seen me review movies, you know what I look for. If you haven't, check out my most dangerous review of The
Most Dangerous Game (2008). Now that we have that out of the way, let us look at this most ridiculous and most Japanese movie trailer.

What we would call a weekly event on the SciFi channel here in America is what the Japanese call an epic period piece. I'm pretty sure dragons roamed the lands of Japan long before men were men, and woman were gun toting black angels. Oh yes, you heard me right, this film claims to contain every cliché in the book: flying dragons with no means of flight, the girl from Brothers Bloom sporting some 1920s derby hat in the 2200s, some guy wearing a Yankees hat, and of course the montage of super-futuristic weaponry set to super-futuristic Japanatechnetronica/folk music. But why haven't the tanks and helicopters evolved along with the rest of the weaponry? And where were all the Japanese schoolgirls? I hear they're everywhere! And why not use the one gun that disintegrates the dragons on ALL the dragons? Why waste fire power when you can use THAT gun?? I guess that movie would be a little too short for the elongated attention span of the Japanese people. Enjoy!

Opening December 29, 2009 in Japan.

1 comment:

Ben Pearson said...

My mind is sufficiently blown. Thank you, sir.

By the way, nice touch on "Japanatechnetronica/folk music" - that genre is huge over there.